12. december 2011

Nasveti starejših o življenju

Dva zanimiva prispevka, vreden branja.
Pet stvari, ki jih umirajoči najpogosteje obžalujejo:   link.

11 stvari, za katere si starejši od 50 let želijo, da bi jih vedeli pri 25-ih: link.

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way.

From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

This is a surprisingly common one.

Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.

They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

* * * * * * * * * * * 

11 Things People Over 50 Wish They'd Done Differently At 25

Call it life experience or the school of hard knocks, by 50 we all have the hindsight to know which decisions were good ones and which decisions were, well, a result of youthful naïveté. But whether you're a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason" or you wish the brains at Google would develop a time machine, you've probably learned a thing or two from your failures.

We asked our Huff/Post50 Facebook fans what they wish they'd known at 25 that they know now. Here's what they said every 20-something ought to know about life.

1. Speak up more. 

As the saying goes, it's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. You are your one and only true advocate, so never be afraid to stand up for yourself and speak your mind, because regret's a b****.

2. Know when to walk away. 

Many readers voiced that walking away, while it may be a difficult decision, is sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself. And the quicker you can come to this realization, the more you can save yourself from making up for lost time.

3. Save more money.

Retirement is no joke, as you'll learn by 50. As you stare at the bleak reality of your 401K, you might find yourself counting every nickel and dime you wasted on frivolous expenses. So pack your lunch, find street parking (or take the bus) and remember that a penny saved is a penny earned, as cheesy as it sounds.

4. Re-think a college major. 

A few readers mentioned how they wish they'd re-considered their choice of college major, or even thought twice before dropping out.

5. Travel more.

You're only young once. So before you get tied down by responsibilities of a mortgage, a spouse and kids, it's a good idea to explore the world and all it has to offer (as long as it doesn't break the bank!). Consider working abroad. Visit the city you dream about all day. Just go somewhere that will make you look up and around rather than down at your smartphone.

6. Incur less debt. 

Don't buy things you don't need and think long and hard before getting a credit card. No matter what they tell you, it's not free money, and no matter how high the limit, you shouldn't go blow it all on designer duds and a fancy vacation. Debt sucks in any form. Instead, focus on building a solid credit history and credit score so you can finally nab a killer interest rate when you go sign a mortgage.

7. Wear more sunscreen.

Basking in the rays may pay off in the short run with a glistening tan, but in the long run it leads to age spots, wrinkling and sagging of the skin. So grab the SPF year-round, reach for self-tanner or just embrace your skin tone for what it is.

8. Think carefully before marriage. 

Several readers voiced they would have waited to get married. One reader said she would have waited until at least 30. While there's no hard and fast rule everyone can apply, it's sound advice at any age -- to think carefully before you wed.

9. Slow down.

Too many of us waste precious moments because we're too busy connected to our digital devices or on social media or worrying about the next career move. Life is short. Savor it. We think reader Trisha C Mokoshsq put it perfectly: "I would not have been so driven to be successful and work 80 hours a week to make partner all those years. I would have lingered. I would have defined myself by more than what I did for a living."

10. Get a better education. 

As the saying goes, nobody can take your accomplishments away from you. Education is one of those accomplishments. Many readers wished they would have either gone to or stuck to college. Whether it's to land you the career of your dreams, or to meet people from different walks of life or to learn to see things a little differently, education is always a good choice, whatever form it takes.

11. Consider health issues.

By 25 you might have noticed your metabolism slowing down. But looking after yourself as you age is about more than just quitting your pizza-a-day diet for vanity. It's about creating habits (and breaking bad ones) that will lead to a long life in which you're healthy enough to do everything you want to do. So quit smoking or cut back on the alcohol. As many of you said, little changes can lead to big benefits in the long run.


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